I have the best job in the world; I get to teach middle school. That statement terrifies many people because spending five days a week with twelve- and thirteen-year-old kids might seem a bit insane. But to me, it is absolutely wonderful. In middle school, students start thinking more deeply, discovering who they are, and finding their talents. Every day, they make me laugh and remind me of the great privilege I have of being in the classroom with them. But because I care so deeply about my students, some days of teaching have crushed my soul and broken my heart. Unfortunately, the past few weeks have fallen into these categories for various reasons.

This past week I attended a Celebration of Life for a former student who was in my classroom a few years ago. He was an exceptional kid: likable, outgoing, inclusive, kind, and always had a gigantic smile on his face. He absolutely loved life. Tragically, he suffered a traumatic brain injury at a football game. His mother made the decision to keep him alive so doctors could prepare his body to donate his organs. This decision allowed five other people to continue living. He died on his 16th birthday.

Teachers aren’t supposed to outlive their students, so this was an emotional week for our staff. We kept teaching, knowing that only a few years earlier, this young man was laughing and walking in the hallways we were now standing in.

Another heartbreak happened this past week because there was a school shooting. This time, it happened just up the mountain from where I live, and the teacher who was shot graduated from the same university I did. Unfortunately, these horrific shootings have become a common occurrence in the United States; it is absolutely terrifying. As I drove into the school parking lot the day after the shooting in Bend, Oregon, a police car was parked alongside the other vehicles. Then, during first period, as I began teaching, I noticed a sheriff’s car conspicuously parked along the road by the school. These vehicles were there as an extra precaution because of the school shooting that happened up the mountain the day before. But seeing that vehicle outside of my classroom window forced my mind to stay on high alert, thinking about where I could guide my students to keep them safe if someone came in with a gun, and worrying whether I could reach the door fast enough to lock it.

I have been trained to teach, not how to avoid being killed by gunfire. I teach children who are full of hope, eager to learn, and planning their futures. They should be able to learn, explore, and grow in a safe place. One that is free from the worry of being shot while they sit at their desks to improve a paragraph or practice changing a decimal into a percentage.

The United States claims students have access to a free education, but that claim is false. If a young child goes to school where there are no safeguards to protect them from being killed with a gun, their education is not free. Instead, the cost is emotional trauma and facing the very real risk of being killed with a gun before they are able to live their lives. Something really needs to change!

If you don’t have a job where you’ve had to practice active shooter drills that include instructing children how to fend for their lives while being shot at, I don’t think you are qualified to make a reasonable pro-gun argument.

Even after the painful events of the past few weeks, I will keep teaching. I will do this because I have much more faith in middle school students’ abilities and kindness than in the self-centered lives of a few adults who are selfishly ruining our world.